Skinny Guilt

I'm scared to write this post.

Scared of what you'll think of me or even what some of you will say about this post.

I tried to write it a few days ago and realized I was too angry and self-righteous about it to write it then and too scared. So I deleted it.

Then a couple of days ago I found and fell in love with a new blog.  The blogger is open and honesty and so funny. I've been scrolling though all her previous blogs and every post she writes strikes a chord with me.  I feel like she got inside my head somehow and wrote exactly what I feel.  Then I stumbled upon this post. I LOVED EVERY WORD.

So in a passive attempt to share how I felt, I shared her post on Facebook and tried to be content with that. But while the blogger really hit home about how I feel about this there is more I want to say/share.

So I confess I have..

Skinny Guilt 

Guilt. The feeling I relate most to being skinny.  And I'm tired of feeling guilty about it.  I have plenty of other guilt that I think it totally justifiable.  Mommy guilt on days I feel like I haven't been the best Mommy.  Guilt about bad money choices and guilt about eating like crap. But skinny guilt is something I'm tired of feeling.

I have been thin for as long as I can remember and I have not ever done anything to manage my weight.

And I'm sorry.  I know that there will be people that will read that sentence and hate me a little (or a lot).  

Some will think I'm lying.

Some will think I secretly have an eating disorder.

Some say I don't eat enough- either in amount or variety.

Some will be jealous.

But its true and I'm sorry.

The truth is it simply comes down to genetics. I eat like crap. 99% of the time. First let me dispel a couple of myths about why I am thin that drive me crazy the most.

1.  I don't eat enough.  Truth is : while I usually skip breakfast and sometimes barely eat lunch, I eat pretty much all day. I'm constantly munching on something. And its usually junk :-(  Telling someone they're so skinny because they never eat enough is as close as you can get to saying they have an eating disorder, and that's hurtful. If you really think someone has a serious eating problem take them out for coffee or something and have a private conversation just to let them know you're concerned about it. Don't point it out while in a group and then laugh it off.

 2. I'm too picky.  I'll be honest I used to be more picky. Then we had Bean and I started to push myself to try more things because that's what I want her to learn to do. I still don't like some foods but most of that has to do with texture issues. (I shudder at the thought of broccoli, strawberries and shrimp). When people say this about someone it paints that person as childish and even if its true its unkind to point out someone else's flaws. Besides, I have never understood how me not liking broccoli makes me so skinny. To me that math simply does not add up.

The truth is I am tired of always feeling guilty for being the way God made me.  I want to be free to vent about not being able to find the perfect pair of jean without an eye roll and a comment like "yeah, must be so hard for you". I want someone to understand that even though I'm thin some days I still don't love my body.  I wish we could all love own bodies enough and love one another enough that we wouldn't tear each other down with hurtful comments about each other's weight. ( and let me be clear here ANY comment about someone else's weight that is anything short of building that person up is a hurtful comment)

And so I'm letting go of this guilt and choosing to be happy the way God made me. I hope you will too.