Enough

So last night hubby rented Moms' Night Out. I had seen ads and heard about it on Facebook.  It sounded good and funny.  And it was, but it also made me cry.  Actually "cry" is putting it mildly, it was more like sobbing buckets through about 80% of the movie.  It is so my life right now, the mess, the stress, the exhaustion, the fear that I'm not doing my best, being effective and the ridiculous belief that every other parent in the world has it together (I know, I know, I can already hear the laughter...).

Last time I wrote here I feel wrote about how crazy life here was and since its been so long since I wrote last it obviously hasn't slowed down yet. Bean's party is over, Paul pulled what was left in the garden up a couple of weeks ago and Bean went to Grandma Camp for a week and I was able to catch up on a lot of things.  But then Bean came home (I'm not complaining, I'm happy to see her home- I missed her- but she's just so busy and ... 2 :-) ), I started subbing and we were gone 2 weekends in a row and a deputation service, had 2 doctors appointments,and Bean's check up MRI. During all of this I've been dealing with some health stuff that has made it hard to focus and get anything done but sleep. (Not an announcement :-) )

Thanks to all of this our house is a mess, Bean is out of clean clothes, I'm so behind on so many things, Bean has recently watched a disgusting amount of cartoons and Ellie is starving for any attention.  So often I feel like I've failed. And then we watched Moms' Night Out. And cried and cried. Again- its soooo funny but so true. And then towards the end of the movie this conversation happens:

Allyson:  I can’t get in front of it no matter how much I give, how much I do… I just, I’m not enough.
Bones:  For who?
Allyson:  I don’t know.  Sean, the kids, my mother, … God…
Bones:  For you?  You’re not enough for you.

And it hit me like a ton of bricks- NO one in my house, family or life thinks that I am not enough.  God does not think that I am not enough. I am the only person that ever thinks that about myself. Truth is I am enough.  Here's why:
 Bones:  It’s beautiful to watch one of God’s creations just doing what it was made to do.  Ya’ll spend so much time beating yourselves up.  I doubt the good Lord made a mistake giving your kiddos the mom he did. 

God made me exactly the way I am- He doesn't make mistakes and to think that I have enough power to mess up God's plan is just silly.  God brought Paul into my life, gave us Lizzie and amazing family and friends.  He did all of this with a purpose- my life has purpose. This doesn't mean that I can't work on doing better but it does mean that God's love for me isn't dependent on being perfect.  I am enough just as I am.

I am enough.